How my Friday nights turned from beers, wine and dancing until 3am to lounge, wine and cartoons
A scout leader dog using only the word ‘woof!’, a wishing tree granting wishes to a blue haired girl and her purple cat, a pig who is a bossy little b!#ch and turtles who have been mutated and become ninjas. I spend most weekends listening, watching and talking about all of the above plus any other fictional character you can think of.
Where did my nights of dancing, more plans than days of the week, working two jobs and sleeping whenever I felt like it go?
I was bound to do a blog on it. I am fully aware there are thousands of Mum bloggers out there and this was definitely not the purpose of starting a blog – Reasons behind this will be in an upcoming blog post – However, motherhood is a massive part of who am I now. As much as I act as though it doesn’t shape who I am, I cannot deny that in many ways it does.
I’m going to be honest here. When I found out I was pregnant I had one thought…NO WAY! My life is over..!
I had too many plans, dreams and none of them involved children. I mean one day maybe but not then. We lived in a share house with our friend (whom was AMAZING through the whole pregnancy I will add), I had just left my government job – meaning there was no comfy maternity leave plan in sight – and I really, really loved to drink.
9 months without ANY wine or beer! WHAT?! –Priorities on point! – In all seriousness though, I loved being social. I had plans with friends every day of the week. I stayed back at work for drinks nearly every day. I loved spontaneous trips away. Being pregnant and having a child was not ideal for me at the time. My partner however was over the moon! That was one of the moments I knew I’d made the right decision in the person I was to marry.
Pregnancy… hmm how do I put this? It sucked. Most people I know felt pregnancy was the most amazing time of their life. Me…not so much. I was sick until 22 weeks. I become a hermit saying no to any invitations to hang out. I basically worked and slept with a bit of self pity thrown in. I had antenatal depression and didn’t get any help for it whatsoever. I should have seen a psychiatrist or counsellor. I know that now. Although in saying that, my various midwives knew it and were not the best help. Antenatal depression affects one in seven women in Australia and unfortunately in my case it was never treated so the whole nine months and more hold a very dark cloud for me. I am only now seeking the help I have needed for years.
One bonus of being pregnant was I ate bread and many carbs again after around 12 months of very limited amounts. Bread was the only thing to curb my morning (all day!) sickness.
Of course I put on a little too much weight. It wasn’t an issue because I had a ‘cute bump’.
I did however, put on 30kgs!?? I remember standing on the scales at the hospital 48 hours before he was born and seeing 90kgs! I was with Mum and I just laughed! I probably should have looked after my body a bit more; I may have been able to lose the extra weight a bit easier. I know that now.
Pregnancy. Not the finest time of my life so far.
Fast forward three years later and I could not imagine my life without my little Ray of sunshine. Yes, there are days, weeks even that I feel my life would be much simpler without motherhood. Then I hear the words ‘Mum… I love you’. It is all worth it. On the days when my job, my relationship, finances, all those adult things are not going too well, it takes my special guy to say ‘Are you happy mummy? I want you to be happy..’ to make me realise how bloody good being a mother really is! How often when I was out clubbing, partying, working stupid hours did someone actually look at me with complete love and ask me if I was happy?
The answer is never.
I will take Friday nights in with Duggee the scout leader, Peppa the pig and the Ninja turtles over my old life any day!
Antenatal, postnatal and perinatal depression can affect anyone. There are people who can help. Contact Life Line (13 11 14) or Beyond Blue (1300 224 636) for 24 hour support